Aging Wisdom

Aging Wisdom

The Reality of Retirement

For me, retirement was not a reward; it’s been a reality check. Suddenly, I find myself no longer relevant. The challenge is to find a new way of living with dignity; a way to be counted, and to find my way in emptiness. Here are some of the ways I learned to cope. 

I am learning to find joy in small things, like snuggling under a cozy throw and watching my favorite movie.  Buying expensive sheets that my body can glide on. Reading a meaningful book. I love finishing a book that triggers me to sit in silence and wonder. Or better yet, a book that guides spirited journaling. 

Silence and growing old bring plenty of time for remembering.  I try to remember the good times with joy and let go of past hurts and injustices. Forgiveness heals; judgment and anger harm. When it is difficult to fall asleep, I remember making love with my favorite lover. While midnight worries keep me awake. Good memories bring happy dreams. 

One of the benefits of becoming irrelevant is peace. No more insults, arguments, or emotional power struggles at work. I can peacefully walk away from situations I don't want to be in without worry of reprisal. My diminishing ego no longer needs to be right. Difficult people can't create drama if I don't give them access to my heart. 

Brain and body health

There are days when going to the grocery store feels like a marathon. I realize my grandmother was right when she told me years ago, good health is worth all the money in the world. Age brings less mobility. It is a lesson in acceptance that challenges me every day.

I work on good health by learning new recipes and cooking with less sugar and salt. I replace fried food with stir-fries with lots of garlic. I try to eat more fresh vegetables and fruit and less processed foods. No longer drinking wine every evening. The money I save on wine, I use to buy fresh berries and fruit. 

I keep my brain active with online strategy games. I am still learning how to make sourdough bread. It has been two years. Every day I read something, from The Atlantic,  MSNOW Newsletter, or a blog I follow. I read an inspirational poem or a blog on Spirituality, mostly Buddhism, and then journal. I didn't have time for this luxury until retirement. 

One thing I do find challenging is becoming invisible to helpers in society, like dentists or health care providers. It feels like I am an insignificant obligation. I cope by standing up for myself and using my voice to remind them of their role. I don't complain, I just ask questions. Asking a question is more empowering. Complaining makes you look like an old person who just complains. Makes it easy to dismiss your presence. It takes away your power. 

Listening with our hearts. 

When we learn to listen with our hearts in silence rather than being noisy, busy, and rational, always trying to figure things out,  we see the world as a softer and more gentle place to live. Soft and gentle go well with the challenges of an aging body and mind. 

Most of us were born in a culture that values being busy, logical, structured, and rational. Listening from our hearts was not encouraged unless you want to be a social worker. I was a clinical social worker, a therapist. I remember in a peer review meeting, my co-worker saying in a way that I knew it wasn’t meant to be a compliment, “your best clinical skill is your compassion.” I thought it was the best compliment ever. I am not sure if always being on-time, or having good paperwork, or using the best techniques were things I wanted to achieve. Today, my goal is to live from my heart as a way to adjust and accept the challenges of growing old. I wish to listen to myself and others with an open heart. Understanding my needs and those of others with an open heart is nourishing.

There is a practice I used in group therapy, where we listened for ten minutes to one person at a time. There was no responding verbally, or asking questions, or offering suggestions and certainly not giving solutions. Instead of thinking, we tuned into our bellies. A soft belly is an opening to a soft heart. One of my favorite meditations is by Stephen Levine called Soft Belly. I use it when I am feeling sad or when I wish to be gentle with myself after a difficult situation, like going to the dentist.