Why Mindfulness?

Why Mindfulness

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” Thich Nhat Hanh

Neuroscience researchers have found if we practice mindfulness meditation every day for as little as five minutes a day for eight weeks, there is a measurable difference that shows up on brain scans. It takes three weeks to create new pathways in the brain. (Dan Siegel, M.D.) However, they also tell us that if we do not continue to practice our new habits, those pathways disappear, and we fall into old habits. A daily practice influences the way you experience each day. It empowers you to create the life you wish to live consciously.

Why Mindfulness and Aging

Mindfulness practices can be especially beneficial in coping with aging changes because they promote accepting and allowing to decrease anxiety and fear. We learn to flow with what is and respond to it, guided by our values instead of reacting impulsively or mindlessly, aging our way.  

Mindfulness practices naturally result in a more open heart. With an open heart, we can listen, feel and see others with less judgment. gratitude and forgiveness naturally flow. Mindfulness creates an unattached way of sharing our beliefs. Not that we stop believing or caring, but instead, we can release the need to be correct and can listen to the perspective of others without needing to defend ourselves. This open-hearted attitude is helpful for elder activists.

I find it very helpful to relate to and accept my aging body and pay attention to body sensations with curiosity instead of judgment and fear. I replace my younger critic voice of harshness and criticism with acceptance and appreciation.  

Each lesson has many activities, journal questions, and mindfulness practices. You have the opportunity to explore and try out many different activities. By the end of the lessons, you will find what works best for you and your lifestyle. Through this process, you will be able to design routines that work for you to continue for a lifetime of mindful wellbeing.

What is a practice? Practice is an activity that you perform routinely to establish a habit. Some of the practices developed can be done weekly or daily to maintain repetitive actions on a greater wellbeing path. It is easy to get lost in the stuff of life; when we have a practice, it reminds us of who we are and pulls us back into awareness with a useful perspective on life. Some say, “your life becomes what you do every day.” Weekly I make a sensory journey in nature or a savoring experience to enhance my body awareness and gratitude for life. I journal regularly; I have combined my contemplative and gratitude journals into one. As you go through these lessons, you will find practices and activities you love and want to keep doing. There will be some that don’t resonate with you or your lifestyle. You can have a routine for a busy day that may be just the five-minute mindfulness meditation. On normal days you can have a simple routine that takes longer. An important thing to remember, do not judge yourself if you miss doing your practice; simply get back on track. By placing to remember, you create a habit of returning to your routine after losing it for a while.

There are many gifts to having a routine of practices:

·         The gift of self-care: Whenever we pay attention to ourselves, it sends a message to our mind, body, and spirit that we are valuable and what we do matters. Self-care builds resilience. It develops a stronger connection to our body, opening our hearts for more love and compassion.

·         The gift of grounding: A routine connects me to life and gives me a feeling of being rooted. The quietness connects me to my intuition so I can move through life with more clarity and purpose. Decision-making becomes easier when made in the peace of being grounded in a breath.

·         The Gift of Space: Making space for a routine in life is your gift to yourself. Space is a concept I am going to talk more about as we go through the lessons. Through a deeper understanding of space, I have gained a deeper experience of presence and awakening. When I take the time to make space for a daily and weekly practice, I begin to appreciate the power of space; the space between thoughts, the space in my everyday life dedicated to stillness, space for oneness with life itself. I make space in my life at night sitting on the lanai under a sky of stars, moon, and sometimes a sky of clouds and darkness. It is all good.

Starting the Journey

·      The Introduction Page of each lesson is your guide for activities, practices, and insights. To help you with journaling, The contemplative questions, a quote, poetry, and stories will give you insights and writing triggers.

·         Lesson One includes a Five-minute Breath guided meditation by Diana Winston, U.C.L.A. Mindfulness Project. First, listen and follow her directions each day for five minutes. Then, when you feel comfortable meditating without her directions, you can sit for five minutes or more each day.

·         Lesson One gives you exercises for each of your five senses and recommendations for a savoring experience. See which ones you love and repeat one for each sense each day, creating a habit of increasing body awareness.

·         Answer the journal questions from each lesson to get started with journaling.

·         Try all the practices for each lesson. Then find the ones you love and repeat them every day to create a mindfulness habit. 

Dying is Perfectly Safe

 "Each time we surrender, each time we trust the dying, we are led to a deeper level. We are grounded for a while, like an electric wire, so there is less resistance and more available energy to trust it the next time. Yet, it is still invariably a leap of faith—we don't know what life is until we know what death is. Divine life is so big, so deep, and so indestructible that it can include death."—Richard Rohr

When I was thirty years old, my best friend died of cancer. She was also thirty years old and left two small children and a devoted husband. I traveled the chemo journey with her, losing her hair and having some extremely sick days. As death became more eminent, I was amazed by her inner strength. One day she sat at her kitchen table and talked with her husband and me. It was primarily directed at me because she knew me well. She told me her husband was dating another woman, and she approved and asked that I would too. She explained that this lady was perfect for her children and her husband was a good man and deserved to be happy. "Wow!! Are you kidding me?" My judging head went crazy, "Dating another woman!" My friend knew me well. I was outraged. "How could you, couldn't you wait until she died?"

 

I shifted my perspective when I realized it was my friend telling me this, not the gossip of another friend or a neighbor. How could she handle the vision of somebody else mothering her children, sleeping with her husband?  I realized that she had an inner strength I couldn't even imagine. She loved in a way I never knew possible. She had several months to prepare for her death. One of my favorite authors, Steven Levine, wrote a book about dying when he was told he had a year to live. Knowing you have less time than you thought gives you the inner space and inner power to heal what remains unloved and unloving. It is not the kind of love that is possessive and controlling.  That is our small self, our egoic self. My friend demonstrated how to love from your higher self, your true Self.  It was the greatest act of love I have ever witnessed; I still respond with awe and wonder as I write this. Her last days were an example of how to live in presence with grace and love. Her journey to death profoundly affected my life and my spiritual journey.

Preparing for death can be healing. "Once you see what the heart needs, it doesn't matter if you're going to live or die, the work is always the same." (Stephen Levine). Letting go of our small self prepares us for dying. Letting go of all egoic attachments teaches us how to love from our Soul Self. Preparing for death means living in presence, living for today because tomorrow is not promised. Death is the ultimate reality of life. The saints and yogis fully embrace death. Some even go into graveyards to meditate. Buddhists teach to understand that everything is temporary, and death is the ultimate proof. Don't be afraid of death; let it free you. Let it encourage you to experience life in the here and now and experience it fully, appreciate the moments you are given. Every minute you are a step closer to death. This wisdom is the way to live life peacefully. Waste no time with ego's empty promises of fame and future glory, for it creates emptiness and separation. Don't hold back love. Love with no walls and no strings. As Michael Singer says in his book, The Untethered Soul, "You live life as though you were on the verge of death because you are."

Why wait for a terminal diagnosis to find the potential grace and wonder of living in peace? No one can afford to put this work off because almost no one knows the day on which the last year of life begins (Singer). Socrates recommended that we should "always be occupied in the practice of dying." So does the Dalai Lama. Several years ago, someone asked him what he would do; next, he answered that he was fifty-eight years old and felt that it was time to complete his preparations for death.

Be prepared for dying, and you will improve your daily living.

·          In Lesson Four, we discuss overcoming fear and providing mindfulness practice by "attending and befriending" fear.

·         Often it is the fear of pain related to dying that creates the most unease. Thank your body for its perseverance under past difficult times.

·         Remember facing death can give meaning to life. So try to learn what it is saying to you.

·         By paying attention to each moment and living fully, you take your life back from the fear of death.

·         Practice daily forgiveness and gratitude meditations in relationship to both pleasant and unpleasant memories.

·         In your heart, release your material things, your roles, titles, and "importance."

·         Prepare your mind for letting go. Daily meditation practices and body sense tours can replace negative and fearful thinking to a place deep within where there are no words to torment.

·         Steven Levine's Book, A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as if it were your last, is an incredible journey as it was his last year of life. He did live a few months beyond a year. His wife reports that his death was spiritual and peaceful even though he did face body pain. He was able to listen to and accept the body's pain helping him to rise above it.  

The following is a list of the top five regrets of the dying written by Bonnie Ware, a hospice nurse.

1. I wish I'd dared to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. "This was the most common regret of all.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
3. I wish I'd dared to express my feelings. ...
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. ...
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

Exercise:

1.      If you received a terminal diagnosis, what changes would you make in your life?

2.      If you found out the diagnosis was a mistake and had a second chance at life, what will you do with the rest of your life?

Sharing The Jagged Pieces of Life

When we can see others through our jaggedness and replace judgment with compassion, miracles happen. When we remember all the obstacles, we surmounted we can see through the eyes of our jaggedness. All broken relationships, career setbacks, loss of loved ones are shared and never wasted. Our past mistakes and losses give us the ability to understand the mistakes and losses of others. When we look at each other and see ourselves, we bring healing. We embrace the preciousness we find in their eyes; we make the world safer and more accessible.

I was part of a multi-disciplinary team for a Drug Court. A judge in the area established the program to lower recidivism rates of drug and alcohol addicts. Working with a team of law enforcement and probations officers, human services professionals, and faith-based community groups, I provided trauma therapy to women who were sexual abuse survivors. The program demanded 365 consecutive days of drug testing and extremely strict hoops to jump. There was no room for error; non-compliance put the client in prison. The expectations were high, and clients held to high standards of accountability. However, the incentives to succeed were also exceptionally high. In exchange for several years in prison, they could go on probation with no prison time.

I remember one client I will call Janice; of course, that is not her real name. She grew up in a violent home where she was repeatedly sexually assaulted by men in her family. Both of her parents were drug abusers. She remembered "doing pot" with her mother at the age of twelve. Janice grew up to be an extraordinarily successful drug dealer. She bought a duplex with cash with the money she earned selling drugs. Janice lived there with her two children. She made sure it was a good neighborhood so her children could attend the best schools.  Both of her children's fathers were drug addicts and abusive to her. When one of them physically abused her son, she left the relationship. She was very protective and nurturing of her children. She loved them dearly, and it was that love that gave her the strength and determination to complete the program. Her sexual trauma complicated the hoops she jumped. She used drugs to numb the pain. Without drugs, her journey to recovery was very steep. When we face our trauma, we suffer. Without motivation, therapy, and a supportive group, it is an impossible task.  

At the time of her arrest, she lived alone as the sole provider of her two children. The rent from the other side of the duplex gave her consistent income. She vowed to have a safe place where her children would not be abused or neglected. Going to prison meant they would be in foster care or with her abusive family members. At the time of her arrest, she was especially vulnerable due to the recent breakup with her son's father. She described to me how she only sold drugs to the people she knew. Except for this one time, she sold drugs to an undercover law enforcement officer and was immediately arrested and sent to jail. Thankfully, the judge assigned her to Drug Court.

The judge required counseling, and she started therapy with me. At first, she told me what she thought I wanted to hear so that I would give the judge good reports. I could give positive reports because she did show up for every appointment. Then, a day I will never forget she told me the truth. She looked at me with a combination of fear and confusion. The silence went on for quite a long time, and I wondered what she was thinking. Finally, she looked into my eyes and spoke to me from her heart with tears in her eyes. I don't remember the exact words, but it went something like this. "I am turning into the other side. I am becoming like the people I never wanted to become because I dislike who they are.  Boring and stupid people who obey the law and do not do drugs. The people who think they are better than other people." For the first time, she was telling me the truth. At that moment, I realized how we are all a victim of our family, culture, and society. Our brains wire the beliefs living around us as mother, father, grandparents, and siblings. Their views became our reality and became hardwired in the subconscious.

I remembered listening to a talk by Thich Nhat Hanh challenging his audience to love those who are difficult to love. He told a story about a twelve-year-old girl who jumped into the ocean and drowned herself after being raped by a pirate. He says, "it is easy to see ourselves in the eyes of the twelve-year-old girl. It was more challenging to see ourselves in the eyes of the pirate." It is difficult not to condemn him. Thich Nhat Hanh explained that if we were born into the pirate village and raised in the same ways as he was, who would we be? Thich Nhat Hanh says there is a great likelihood he would become a pirate. If you were born into a violent family with parents who broke the law as a way of life, who would you be.?

There was a preciousness and love about Janice. She loved her children and finished the program for them in the beginning. She loved her children in a way she was not valued as a child. Finally, after a year of intense struggle and suffering, Janice finished the program for herself. With all the odds against her, she became sober, found employment, and volunteered to take mindfulness classes because she knew they would support her to continue on a path of recovery.

Bringing the jagged pieces of our lives to the places we live and the people we meet helps us know how to love difficult people. We can see ourselves in the eyes of the pirates and parents who neglect their children. We can witness a miracle driven by love when we replace judgment with compassion. We use all the jagged pieces of our lives to make a positive difference in the lives of others. 

Living Life on Purpose

Living Life on Purpose

"If you try to do only for yourself, you'll only get so far in life. If you reach out to touch other people, you can fix you own soul."—Bryan A. Wood, Combat Veteran

Another day. Do you find yourself stuck in a daily routine that makes life feel like it's just another day? When I first retired, I felt excited about all the extra free time. After a few months of retirement, I heard others say, "Gee golfing every day left me feeling like there has to be more to life." All my free time started to feel like it is just another day, no surprises, no plans, no meaning.  Uncomfortability is a sign for me to pay attention, a time for opportunity and possibilities. As I suffered from this feeling of another day, I returned to the thing I knew best; mindfulness, awareness without judgment. I realized what I was missing was having a purpose, a way to make a difference. So I researched the biology of having purpose as we age. It turns out sharing our passion, talents, and love is good for our health and longevity. I will share some of the studies below.

2003 Harvard, Mayo Clinic, and University of Pittsburg study on the concept of "cognitive reserve."

• They studied 50 brains from people who had died. One group of subjects had dementia while they were alive, and a control group had no symptoms of memory loss.
• They found some individuals from the control group accumulated equivalent loads of plaques and tangles as those found in people diagnosed with Alzheimer's but did not experience dementia symptoms while alive. 
• Researchers believe the brain abnormalities did not cause symptoms because these individuals had "cognitive reserve." They define cognitive reserve as extra neurons and stronger connections between the neurons; formed because of their continued activity in projects they felt were meaningful, activities they believed made positive differences for others.

2009 Archives of General Psychiatry report on a Johns Hopkins study on the importance of civic engagement for elders

• They assigned a group of elders to participate in a tutoring program for children in elementary schools in Baltimore.  After MRI brain scans, they found the participants who reported finding meaning in helping children had better cognitive functioning, and their hippocampus had less atrophy than the control group.  
• After examining the brain tissue of 246 people who died during a long-term study of more than 1400 older men and women, they found some fascinating autopsy results.
• After retirement, individuals who were not involved in new activities showed a cognitive decline similar to Alzheimer's patients but did not have the brain plaques and tangles typical to Alzheimer's.  
• Some individuals who had brain plaques and tangles like Alzheimer's did not have dementia symptoms. They had no memory loss. They were people who reported having purpose and meaning in life after retirement. 
• The results indicated better brain functioning for people who reported having more purpose in their lives. Moreover, the results held up when controlled for differences in exercise levels, education, and stress factors. 

Dr. Majid Fotuhi, MD, Ph.D., author of Boost Your Brain, reports that "having a purpose in life is one of the most important factors for protecting your brain against cognitive decline. 

• He states people with a high 'purpose in life score' are more than twice as likely to stay sharp in their seventies and eighties than those with a low score. 
• Dr. Fotuhi states, "One possible reason is that high score individuals have half as many strokes as the low score group. They also have lower levels of  stress hormones, higher levels of good HDL cholesterol, less inflammation, better sleep, happier mood, and an overall sense of wellbeing."

There seems to be interesting scientific evidence showing the power of having continued purpose as we age. The results of these studies have significant public health implications. According to the Alzheimer's Association, more than five million Americans are currently living with Alzheimer's. It is the sixth leading cause of death in the U.S.  Imagine if a drug could reduce dementia and stroke rates with the same numbers as the purpose studies results, a drug with no adverse side effects.  It would become a best seller. Unfortunately, the number of people diagnosed with Dementia-related diseases is rising, creating a significant strain on the health care industry and Medicare.  Dr. Richard Lipton of the Albert Einstein College of Medicine found lifestyle changes to be more effective than medication at reducing the risks of Alzheimer's. Richard Davidson from the University of Wisconsin says, "I think that one of the important insights from our work is that the mind can be transformed, that we all are born with a capability for change. And that the seeds of living a compassionate life within each of us." 

Living your life purpose after retirement is one of the best things you can do for your wellbeing. When you are living on purpose, you will be healthy, happier, and be a contributor. You can have another day living, different from the other. Finally, we have a reason to get up in the morning.

 Exercise: 

• Every morning this week, set the intention to make a positive difference in somebody's life, human or animal.
• At the end of the day, reflect on meaningful stories or events coming to your awareness. 
• Begin to examine what it is you care about and want to be a part of making a positive difference.

                                                                             

Contemplation, Read, Listen, Reflect

"Contemplation is a sudden gift of awareness, an awakening to the Real within all that is real. A vivid awareness of infinite Being at the roots of our limited being."Thomas Merton

I decided to include the practice of contemplation because it has been helpful on the journey to my truest Self. For me, it is more spiritual than Mindfulness and speaks more to my soul. I was introduced to contemplation in the 1980s when I received spiritual direction from a Roman Catholic nun. My spiritual journey has had many ups and downs through the years, and contemplation supported me through the rough times. It is still a part of my life as I find it helpful when seeking answers or direction. Today it is the prayer I pray for myself.  Sr. MaryAnn directed me to move away from the verbal, social, and petitionary way of praying. Our prayers are not an attempt to change God's mind about us or the events. It is primarily about changing our minds and engaging our hearts and imagination to the mystery. We do not grasp it with words; we learn it through body and heart sensations.

A hurricane was moving in the direction where I live in Florida. I live about twenty miles inland from the path where it was going to make landfall. I asked for prayers from my friends and family as the storm approached. Many people responded with concern and sent prayers. I took my fears into contemplation and the space of the night sky. In contemplation, I experienced a deep feeling of connection to my friends,  family, and everybody in the path of danger. I felt the Oneness of their Love. I went to bed and slept well, surrounded in Love and Oneness. Contemplation is a prayer that changes me. I am not praying to change the conditions I fear; I am praying to change me. I was alone through the hurricane, but I did not feel alone. The path of the storm changed, and it made landfall north of where I live.

Susan Monk Kidd says contemplation is a spiritual practice that could be called the prayer of waiting. She states the task is not to ask for something from God. It is more like becoming aware of what God is doing in our lives, what God wants us to know. It differs from meditation as you do want to listen and experience the message inside. Contemplation differs in its intention. It seeks an opening in your heart to greater wisdom, divine Love, and your truest Self. It is like meditation as it requires slowing down the chattering mind and being alert in solitude. You bring the Self back to the reading when it goes off into some story or some worry. Read, listen and then reflect.

 Contemplation Is a Deeper Way to Know Self

Carl Jung spoke of contemplation as a way of seeking the true Self through developmental stages. He believes when we transition between life stages, it is essential to become aware of archetypes we play in each stage of life. An archetype is a personified role commonly understood by a culture. Many fairy tales have archetypes as characters. For example, the Little Red Hen's role is a martyr. When you think of the little red hen, you automatically think of martyr behavior.  Some archetypes are obstacles keeping us from our true Self. Some I have played in my life are Pleaser, Good Little Girl, Perfect housewife, Wise Counselor, Holy churchgoer, and Crone. Today I accept Crone, a wise elder woman who is a little odd.

When we are in our role, it isn't easy to be authentic and relate to others freely and lovingly. Our part is often implicit; it is not in our awareness. Through journaling and contemplations, you become aware of the roles you have played and are playing today. Do so without judgment. We all have protective ways to survive the culture. Some parts or archetypes create a feeling of separation and loneliness, like the martyr role. When you feel like something is missing, and there must be more to life, you are on the right track. Replace judgment of the uncomfortability with curiosity and wonder.

We can unmask the false Self. Anything that separates is inaccurate. The illusion older women are irrelevant. Men have better leadership skills. People who are white have more value. I cringe as I even type this sentence. These are illusions coming from my white middle-class culture, I no longer believe. They were implicit for many years; they were a part of my false Self. Contemplation uncovers and reveals what has been implicit. Remember, anything that separates is an illusion; Contemplation will be your guide to unmask all that is not real within.

Each Lesson has a wisdom quote as a seed of contemplation. The basic steps to follow are listed below. Remember, be patient. Much like learning sitting meditation, it takes time to tame the chattering mind. Like other meditative practices, it is best to start with five-minute sessions. Then after you begin to recognize the voice of the Self, it will become much easier to extend the time for longer sessions. As you continue this practice, you will notice positive changes in your thinking and overall sense of wellbeing. You may want to change your prayer from one of a petition to one of contemplation, taking your fears into the silence of waiting for God to give you peace.

Basic Steps:

1.                      Find a quiet place where you can relax without interruptions.

2.         Take a few deep breaths and relax your body. You are breathing in relaxation, breathing out tension.

3.               Read the seed of contemplation for the week.

4.              Relax and reread the seed quietly. Observe your mind. When it is chattering and worrying, say to yourself, "thinking," and reread the quote or take another relaxing breath.

5.           To help with focus, you can ask yourself questions:

·         What does this quote mean to me?

·         What is the truth behind it? What is it trying to say?

·         How do I feel as I think about this?

6.       Next, listen, sometimes you will receive great insight and more profound wisdom. Most times, you do not. It is called the activity of waiting and listening.

7.    As you reflect, you may want to journal. 

8.     When you are complete, thank your truest Self for this special time.

 Pay attention to any insights that may arise as you go about your day. Sometimes insights, seeds of contemplation bloom when least expected.