Doubt and the Dark Night of the Soul

 "Doubt and the Dark Night of the Soul “In the twilight of life, God will not judge us on our earthy possessions and human successes, but on how well we have loved." -John of the Cross

We all have had dark and meaningless times in life. Yet, as we look back, we realize the dark times took us deeper inside. It is part of the path on our inward journey to purpose. Over the years, the phrase dark night of the soul has been used in many ways. It originates in the 1500s with a poem written by St. John. While imprisoned for his attempts to reform the Catholic Church, he composed the poem, The Dark Night of the Soul. He describes the soul’s longing for God. The main idea is to describe the painful experiences people endure as they seek to grow spiritually. The time between letting go of ego and finding our true inward path can feel empty and confusing. 

 Eckhart Tolle talks about how the dark night of the soul describes a time when you go through a deep sense of meaninglessness. This inner state is close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, and there seems to be no purpose to anything. All that is part of your life before and gave you meaning is gone, your achievements, what you considered necessary materially, meaningful relationships. It is not that you have lost these things; they no longer bring satisfaction and joy. These things lose the meaning that you once gave them. Their purpose usually came from conditioning and being driven by something outside of self.

 It feels like a very dark place. Even your spiritual beliefs no longer have meaning. I describe it is as a feeling of abandonment because my religious practices no longer give comfort. For me, it involves acceptance and no longer grasping when I find peace, I usually go through a period when I no longer want the challenge of engaging in the world, and I find peace in solitude. In the solitude, I let go of my egoic need to be necessary, smarter, and better than, and realize these concepts divide and separate and cause pain. With that realization, I begin to feel new energy of loving unconditionally myself and others. I feel free from the roles that once defined me. I feel a connectedness to nature and life. I wake up each morning in gratitude. Since starting a daily mindfulness practice, these dark times happen less often and do not last as long.

The Buddha and Jesus use words like “wake up.” Life has meaning again, but it is no longer the same. We awaken into something more profound, which is no longer based on cultural expectations. We experience a deeper sense of connectedness. What dies, one could say, is the egoic sense of self. Egoic us vs them thinking is replaced, and we begin a journey inward to living life on purpose. Our spiritual struggle does not end when we leave the dark night of the soul. Mindfulness eases the battle as we learn to attend and befriend all uncomfortability. As soon as I think my ego is quiet, I believe I am special and take two steps back. The belief that I am more special than another separates me and my ego has regained control. When I think I have arrived, I am really going backward. Eckhart Tolle says, “The path is not a straight line; it is a spiral. You continually come back to things you thought you understood and see deeper truths.

Doubt 

For me, doubt is part of the pain of the dark night of the soul. It turns out that doubt can also be a path inward. We doubt the assumptions of our comfort zone and how we believe God works. By being free to doubt what we believe now, we can find a deeper knowing. Unknowing and doubt create feelings of uncertainty and, my favorite word again, uncomfortability. I wonder if that was what Jesus was feeling on the cross when said, “let this cup of suffering be taken from me” and “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (The Book of Matthew) 

When we allow ourselves to doubt, we let go of know-it-all arrogance and self-will, we begin to expose our vanity and ego identity as a “very spiritual” person. We replace our arrogant desire always to be right with a spirit of unknowing, in a way, doubt brings us to self-knowledge, and it is not always pretty. It is the process of burning the egoic image. 

I remember when I thought the Roman Catholic dogma was the only to salvation. Then I felt strong about New Thought spirituality and believed it was the only way to happiness and manifesting the life I wanted. When I allowed myself to experience doubt and the dark night of the soul, I realized there is truth in all religions. The Buddha and the Dalai Lama support doubt and suggest you keep an open mind when exploring truth and wisdom. Accepting doubt takes us on our inward path. 

When I studied the mystics from Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, and Christianity, I realized they taught many of the same lessons. For example, they introduced the lesson on Oneness, and that separation is a delusion created by the egoic mind. They teach, instead of avoiding doubt, it is the path to knowing our Truest Self and a more profound way of learning and experiencing compassion for all God’s creatures. 

 Journal Exercise: Contemplate and the journal:

 • If a tree falls in the middle of the forest, does it make a sound if there is no living creature to hear it? 

• Does the sunrise and set each day if there is nobody to see it?

Mindful Listening

 “To listen is to continually give up all expectations and to give our attention, completely and freshly, to what is before us, not really knowing what we will hear or what that will mean. In the practice of our days to listen is to lean in, softly, with a willingness to be changed by what we hear.”-Mark Nepo

A few months ago, I attended an elder listening circle as a participant. When it was my turn to share, I felt compassion and support coming to me from people I barely knew. There was no judgment and no crosstalk. Crosstalk is when you add your experience, point of view, or comment rather than listen quietly. No crosstalk also means not even supporting or offering a nod of agreement. I felt safe and listened to and was able to gain new insights.

Thich Nhat Hanh invites us to take a step back and experience listening to another with one purpose, “to help that person empty their heart.” He says by allowing a person that space, you are giving them a chance to suffer less. He expresses how deep listening is not listening to analyze or even uncover what has happened. Instead, you listen to provide the person with compassion and dignity when somebody finally understands. He says this is your only purpose when you are listening mindfully.

How often do you feel like somebody is listening to you and understands what you are trying to say? Most of the conflict between people is due to both parties not hearing and understanding each other. Listening to and hearing each other is an important skill. But like other skills, it takes a lot of practice and the ability to remember your new skills. It is easy to forget to listen when we become distracted.

Tara Brach says, “Most of us consider listening to be a great virtue. We love having others listen to us with interest and care, and we hope to be good listeners ourselves. But it is hard. To listen well, we must become aware of the mental static that runs interference: aware of our emotional reactivity; aware of all the ways we interpret (and misinterpret) each other; aware of our haste to prepare a response; aware of how we armor ourselves with judgment. Learning to listen involves stepping out of our ongoing inner dialogue and using what St. Benedict called the “ear of the heart.”

Here are some obstacles to listening:

·         You wish for the person to experience you in a certain way.

·         You want approval.

·         You are judging the person or what they are saying.

·         Sometimes it is fear and hurt that causes us to tense up and build walls pushing the other person away.

·         It is hard to listen to someone when it stirs up feelings of fear, hurt, jealousy, or anger.

·         When we feel something unpleasant is going on, we try to control the situation rather than sit peacefully listening.

·         Another obstacle is we may want to do something different or be somewhere else.

·         Sometimes, we tell ourselves there is not enough time to listen. But, when we value and know the power of listening, we can make time and listen to a person as the priority.

Acknowledge these obstacles and label them in your head, going back to your breath. Do not judge yourself; you are learning a new habit. You can label it as you do in meditation and then go back to listening as you would go back to your breath in meditation.  Remember, the power of deep listening is to end suffering.

Exercise One: Practice listening to one person this week, using the following guidelines:

·         Give up the need to comment, having an opinion.

·         Give up the need to say you agree.

·         Remember, all people are entitled to have their perspective of life.

·         Remember listening to another decrease suffering.

·         Listen with your heart, do not respond, or react with your perception. Listen to their perception without comparing it to your own and without judgment.

Awakening through Our Senses

 

Awakening through Our Senses

The Great Affair:

The great affair, the love affair with life,

is to live as variously as possible,

to groom one’s curiosity like a high-spirited thoroughbred,

Climb aboard, and gallop over the thick, sun-struck hills every day.

Where there is no risk, the emotional terrain is flat and unyielding,

And, despite all its dimensions, valleys, pinnacles, and detours,

Life will seem to have none of its magnificent geography, only a length.

It began in mystery, and it will end in mystery,

But what a savage and beautiful country lies in between.”-Diane Ackerman

I hear Diane calling us to a life of exploring, risk-taking and mystery. More aliveness comes from getting out of our heads and into our bodies. This topic will explore all five senses with exercises to try each day for creating more body awareness. Listening to our bodies can become a habit that brings more aliveness, energy, and awareness. Pick a sense a day and try to find exercises you may want to include in a daily routine.

The smell sense  Even as I think of smells, my nose is full of scents that start to awake sweet memories of summers gone and ripening fields far away.”-Helen Keller

In her book, The Natural History of the Senses, Diane Ackerman states that smell was the first of our senses to develop. I start with the sense of smell because of its importance in understanding its connection to memory. Smell links us to emotions and memory. The olfactory bulb is a part of the brain’s limbic system and can suddenly and spontaneously bring up memories and robust responses.

 Our sense of smell is especially significant when we have experienced trauma. Many years ago, I saw a Viet Nam veteran for trauma therapy.  He suddenly smells burning flesh. It was alarming to him to be sitting in a meeting and suddenly smell flesh burning. Often smell helps bring trauma memories into awareness where they can be healed. 

A part of grieving includes wanting to keep the smell of their beloved. I remember stories of how widows didn’t wash their departed husband’s clothing because they wanted to be able to remember his smell. 

Exercises focusing on smell follow:

·         Close your eyes during some daily routines or tasks to focus more on smells, taking a shower, cooking, and doing laundry. Smell the shampoo as you rinse it from your hair.

·         How does it smell when you first enter your home, what are the different smells making up the order? Try this with your basement or attic.

·         When you open a window, smell the fresh air flowing. I love the smell of fresh clover in summer.

·         Notice the smell of the interior of your car.

·         How does the bakery smell in your grocery store feel?

·         Smell something in nature, a tree, soil, or flower. I love the smell of the earth as I dig in my garden. 

Taste- “The other senses may be enjoyed in all their beauty when one is alone, but taste is largely social. Humans rarely choose to dine in solitude, and food has a powerful social component.”- Ackerman

When we live alone, we dine alone. It makes sharing a meal even more special. Researchers tell us our taste and our smell connect in the sensory system. We often smell something before we taste it, and that’s enough to make us salivate. The connection is so strong, if we can’t smell something, we can’t taste it.

For many people, the first thing we taste is milk from our mother’s breast. It is the taste of love and affection. It brings feelings of warmth and security. Scientists tell us taste is our first feeling of pleasure.

Exercises focusing on taste follow:

·         Hold your nose to see what effect not smelling has on taste.

·         See if you can also be aware of where on your tongue you are experiencing each taste. We know that we taste sweet things at the tip of the tongue, bitter stuff at the back, sour stuff at the s sides, and salty things spread over the surface, but mainly upfront.

·         Try to focus on where you experience pungent and astringent tastes.

·         Become aware of the strong association between food and pleasure.

Hearing- “I hadn't really noticed that I had a hearing problem. I just thought most people had given up on speaking clearly--Hal Linden

Scientists understand the basic concepts of how our hearing works. But the specific structures are incredibly complex. Scientists tell us it is astonishing how much is involved in the hearing process and all these processes occur in such a small area. 

We can appreciate how extraordinary are our ears when we realize they pick up sound around us and then translate this information into a form that the brain can understand. This process is entirely mechanical, whereas our sense of smell, taste, and vision all involve chemical reactions, and hearing is a physical movement. Sounds travel through the air as a vibration in air pressure. The ear does three things; direct the sound waves into the ear’s hearing of the brain, feel the fluctuations in air pressure, and then translate these fluctuations into an electrical signal so the brain can understand them.

Humans, like animals, use sound for many things. First, it gives us information about our environment for safety and security. Second, a loud sound can alert us to danger. Third, we use it to communicate. Hearing helps us to experience religious ceremonies. Chanting “om” creates a vibration that you can feel in your head and the cartilage of your bones as they vibrate. Ackerman calls it a “massage from the inside, very soothing.”

The medical field uses music with dementia patients, autistic children, and others who struggle with communication. Comatose patients will respond to music. They have used music in the psychotherapy and addiction fields.

Exercises focusing on hearing follow:

·         Try to pick out the details of what you are hearing in a construction area. Pick out the different sounds that make up the sound of building a home.

·         Listen to a multi-instrument piece of music. Try to identify and focus on the different instruments.

·         Sit outside and try to differentiate close sounds from far sounds. It may be easier to close your eyes.  

·         Sit outside or inside and try to differentiate sound by volume. You may hear subtle sounds you did not hear before.

·         You can also gently pull on your ear occasionally and notice how it improved your hearing. I sometimes nod my head in the direction of a speaker I can't hear. 

·         Listen to an emotional piece of music and learn how the music’s ebb and flow and subtleties may match your mood. 

Seeing- "Until you see me, I do not exist. I see you." Avatar movie. I see you, meaning I see the love in your soul.

We know our eyes are light gathers. When light rays reflect off an object and enter the eyes through the cornea, the transparent outer covering of the eye, we can see that object. The cornea bends or refracts the rays that pass through the round hole of the pupil. The iris opens and closes, making the pupil bigger or smaller. This movement regulates the amount of light passing through it. The light rays pass through the lens to the retina, which converts the light into electrical impulses. The optic nerve sends impulses to the brain, which produces an image.

The eye’s lens stiffens with age, we cannot focus when we see something up close. Have you ever thought maybe this is a good thing for as we age, we grow in wisdom and know that the big picture matters most?”

Another interesting finding is men and women do see things differently. Research has shown that male and female brains process colors in slightly different ways. For example, if both sexes look at an orange, it will appear redder to the man than to the woman. Similarly, the grass seems yellower to a man than to a woman. However, women see variations in color better than men. Scientists speculate that enhanced color perception was important when women were the primary gathers and needed to distinguish among fruits, foliage, and insects. While men show significantly greater sensitivity for fine detail and rapidly moving images, thus enabling them to detect possible predators or prey from afar and distinguish between these objects more easily.

While the aging process changes how we see things up close, it does not change our ability to appreciate color, design, shapes, and textures. It doesn’t interfere with our ability to see in our inner vision. We don’t need our eyes at all to remember beautiful scenes from the day or the past. I can close my eyes and see the beauty of the beach with shorebirds scurrying to find food before the tide comes in. I can picture in complete detail in the memory of my granddaughter as she dances in the Nutcracker. Also when we dream we can see surprising details and colors. Sometimes colors are more intense than they are when we wake. 

Exercises focusing on seeing follow:

·         Go through the day observing your surroundings focusing on bright colors. I came back to Wisconsin in April. I forgot the color of the new green growth. It was amazing, I saw it everywhere. Florida plants did not have the same color green.

·         Look with more awareness to see things like the different color greens, you may not have noticed in the past.

·        Notice the richness of eye color in a new way. There are many differences in blue eyes.

·         When you lie down at night and close your eyes, see an intensely beautiful landscape or beautiful tree from your inner vision. 

·         Look at the clouds and find the variations and differences. Note all the different parts of the clouds, their shapes, sizes, and colors. I love waking in the morning to see clouds outside my window. They are always different.

·         Look at something beautiful and pick out the details of what makes it special.

·         Go through your day noticing tiny details you have noticed before.

Touch- “That’s what it feels like when you touch me. Like millions of tiny universes being born and then dying in the space between your finger and my skin. Sometimes I forget.”-Iain Thomas

Our skin is the largest organ of the body, weighing six to ten pounds, and gives us a sense of touch. Touch sensitivity varies as the fingertips, tongue, and genitals are much more sensitive than the back. Some parts of our body respond to touch differently; for example, it is different when we have an itch, shiver, or get goosebumps. Soon after being born, we instinctively start touching. Touch cells in the lips make nursing possible.

Touch is a sense with unique functions that affect our whole body; it has a much stronger influence than smell, taste, sound, or sight. Touch is the sense that has excellent potential for increasing our awareness and tuning into our environment. By bringing your attention to the sensations of skin contact with your environment and noticing the temperature, like the warmth or coolness on your face or hands, you can become more present in the now. 

Exercises focusing on touch follow:

·         Feel the textures of everyday objects in your environment to focus your attention in a way you haven’t before. Touch the water you are running to brush your teeth. Touch the skin on your face and arm. How is the touch different?

·         Feel an itch before you do something to relieve it.

·         If your get goosebumps, focus your attention on the sensations. Where do you feel the goosebumps? Do you feel chilled, or is it an awe moment?

·         Find a surface that is, for the most part, smooth but has some irregularities. One at a time slowly move each finger and thumb over the surface. See if you can feel irregularities differently when felt by different fingers or thumbs, right hand, or left hand.

·         Find something that feels very soft to the touch, like a stuffed animal or piece of soft cloth. Then touch your face, hands, feet, forearms, and legs, trying to discern the similarities and differences between the body part’s experiences of touch.

·         Walk barefoot over different surfaces, textures, and temperatures. Focus on feeling the surface with your feet.

·         In the morning, when you first wake up, rub your feet together over and over to simulate touch awareness. Then touch the floor and notice how it feels to your feet.

·         As often as you remember, as you go through the day, bring your attention to the sensations of skin contact with clothing, furniture, plates, tables, and keyboard.